Friday, August 24, 2012

Comfortable In My Own Skin

The camera and I...we have a love/hate relationship. I LOVE to take photos. Having a camera in my hand just feels right. I love the challenge of capturing the perfect moment or landscape. It makes me feel alive.

But being on the other side of the camera? That fills me with fear and dread. I swear, I cannot take a good picture for the life of me! Ok, I  guess they aren't all that bad. But the ones I like are few and far between. Of the ones from the Leading Ladies Marathon, I thought these sucked the least.
At least I'm smiling.

I guess I see the flaws when I look at pictures of me before I see anything else. I always think I look like a goofball or chubby. Or I look like I'm on drugs if I'm wearing my glasses because I usually have crossed or droopy eyes or something like that. Seriously. Maybe I'm just too picky.

It's bad enough when I have my picture taken by someone else but when I try to take my own picture...oh, boy. There's usually at least a dozen rejects before I find one that I half way like. There were 16 photos taken this morning before I liked this one.
I admire people who are able to post photos of themselves on twitter and instagram. I'm envious of their comfort in their own skin and wonder if I'll ever get to that point. How do I get to that point?

I know part of it is that I still have that fat girl lurking inside of me. I told someone recently that I was through with love. That I was getting too old to find that happily ever after. And tired of looking/hoping. But honestly, I know I haven't given up because I sometimes do look at wedding dresses and wonder...what if? So anyway, today, I was looking at an article on wedding dresses for plus-sizes and it was only after I'd started going through them that I remembered I'm not a plus-size anymore. And it made me wonder when I would get past THAT.

Remember how I said that I was more tomboy than girly while growing up? I still am that way a lot. I cut my own hair. I don't wear makeup except maybe tinted moisturizer, chapstick, and maybe eyeliner...when I remember. I never, ever wear heels. So it's not that I want to be supermodel beautiful. I just want to be comfortable in my own skin and not cringe every time I see a photo of myself.

Funnily enough, running has helped a little with that. I can't hide from the photographers on the course, after all. And I have been liking some of my race photos lately. And I even got in line to have a finish photo taken at the Leading Ladies Marathon. I think it's because running makes me feel so good. Better than I've ever felt before and that's translating itself into the photos.

If only I had that feeling all the time...


  1. Lisa, you look great! I really like the B&W picture. Thank you for all the inspirational posts!
    Have a great weekend!

  2. Meant to comment on this the other day after reading....but I'm a ding dong and somehow closed all of my internet pages that were open. Ha, so happy running is helping with you and may it continue.....slash totally impressed with the pic you posted on instagram with your stomach visible! You are beautiful, Lisa! OWN THAT!

  3. Being comfortable with yourself is so hard. I constantly look at race pics and instantly pick them apart. I particularly love the ones where I look pregnant. Just when I am feeling good a race photo in spandex brings out the negativity, but you know what? I'm learning to appreciate everything my body can do for me. Those thighs that can't fit into skinny jeans without looking like sausages? They got me though 100 freaking miles on the bike this weekend. That stomach that can look pregnant at the right angle? She holds me together while I run. It's about looking at your body and thanking it for what it can do. There will always be someone skinnier, faster and prettier, but there is only one perfect you.