Wednesday, January 16, 2013

What If...

I have TWO milestones this week: tomorrow will be day 100 of my run streak and Friday is my 4 year Runiversary. I guess if I'd timed it better, I would have hit day 100 on my runiversary but I wasn't planning it so it's okay. :)

So...4 years of running. Considering how much I hated it in the beginning, if you'd have told me I'd be running every day and loving it, I'd have said:

I love that clip! It's my favorite quote from the movie. :) Anyway, back to the runiversary thing...

While I'm happy that I fell in love with running and that I've been running for 4 years, I can't help but feel a little bit of regret that I didn't start running earlier. Like 10, 20, or more importantly...30 years ago. I can't help wondering how my life would be different.

So many of the bad decisions I've made and all the times I hurt the people I love were because I hated myself. I know it sounds harsh but I was a total screw up. Overweight, unhealthy, in serious debt, a college drop-out, always alone...I can't even begin to tell you how much I hated life. I was depressed and angry and overwhelmed and scared. Sometimes I was scared to be alone because I...I used to hurt myself. So yeah, I hurt myself, I ate A LOT, and I bought shit I didn't need. All because I couldn't deal with my emotions and I used them as an outlet so I wouldn't drive off a cliff. Yes, that thought entered my mind...more than once.

I made so many mistakes. I still cry and cringe when I think about some of them. I haven't totally forgiven myself. I should. I know. It just hasn't happened yet.

So I wonder what would have happened if I'd had running as an outlet when I was 14, if Friday was going to be my 30th Runiversary instead of my 4th. Would I have gained all that weight? Would I have accumulated all that debt? Had to deal with high blood pressure and a bad back and bad knees? Would I have dropped out of college, not once but twice? Would I have the job I really wanted instead of the one I settled for? Would I have fallen for a man who shredded my heart and confidence? Would I be married and have children now? Would I have loved myself enough to let someone else love me too?

I know I can't go back and change things. I know that I have to live with the life I have. And it's not a bad life. I worked hard to clean up my life: lost weight, got healthy, and paid off my debt. I'm having fun and traveling places I never thought I'd get to see. Actually, I have an amazing life right now. :)

It's just...what could I have done, what could I have accomplished if I hadn't waited until I was 40 to build the life I wanted? Who would I be if I'd been happy all those years from 15 to 40.

I know that running isn't the only thing that makes me a happy and whole woman right now but I have to tell you that because I'm running, I feel calmer and stronger and more ready to deal with things that go wrong. I feel more beautiful, more sexy, and more fun than I ever felt before and part of that is because I love how my body can move now and how far my legs can take me. It gives me confidence in my body I NEVER had before. That makes be feel like Wonder Woman.

The woman I am now...Lisa the runner...doesn't need to buy things to feel better. She doesn't need to settle for a man who doesn't love her but won't let her go. She doesn't need to eat to find comfort. She isn't scared anymore. She doesn't feel like she has to hide. She's happy. I'm happy. :)

But still...just what if...

What if this Lisa had existed all along?

Life is too short to waste 25 years.

I wish I hadn't.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Run It Fast 2013

My theme for 2012 was the Year of Animal Racing. It was an awesome theme because it led me to some very cool races and I ran thru some very cool places and got some wild medals! Let me tell you...names with animal races do not disappoint in the bling department!

And while I had fun during 2012, something terrible speed vanished. Without a trace.

Ok, that might be a little dramatic because there were a couple of times that I raced that I came pretty close to my PRs (Firecracker 5000 and Disneyland Half). But for the most part, I called its name and heard nothing but silence. ;)


Come back, damn it!

So that's what I'm going after this year and my theme for the year is Run It Fast 2013. I'm racing less and going back to basics. I'm going back to what I learned from Jason at Strength Running when he was coaching me. I'm going to run my ass off and lower my PRs from the 5K to the marathon in 2013. That's my goal and I'm stating it now.

Sadly, I have a LONG way to go before I get back into my 2011 shape, the year I set the PRs for those distances. I just don't understand how I went so wrong last year. Well, actually...I do. I was more worried about spending time on my feet as I trained for JJ100 than I was about running fast and the vast majority of my runs were done at really slow paces. You now the old saying "train fast to race fast"? Well, I didn't do any of that. I also slacked off on my strength work so while my endurance went way up, my strength and speed went way down.

One of my "jobs" for RIF - The Club is the club newsletter and I have to tell you, I sometimes get a little (ok, a lot) jealous reading everything the club members have accomplished while I put the newsletter together. Age group wins, PRs...I want that too! Don’t get me wrong…Run It Fast is NOT about being the fastest coyote on the block. It’s about being the fastest YOU possible…the best running YOU possible…reaching your full potential as a runner. I can’t honestly say I lived up to that in 2012. I stretched myself but I didn’t push myself. You know? I ran long but I ran easy. But I’m through with that!

So, I took the month of December off to rest and did not allow myself to go over 5K on my runs (unless it was for a race I'd already signed up for) and I did ZERO bike commuting. I guess I needed the break but it was hard. I felt sluggish and I didn't stop eating what I had during marathon/ultra training so I, uh, put some weight back on. Sigh. I felt chubby. I felt crummy. At least, I did. Even up to Saturday when I ran the New Year’s Race Half Marathon in LA. Oh yeah, I forgot to do a race report so here’s the bling for that:

Very shiny, eh?

But this week…this week I feel fired up. I feel like the old Lisa. No scratch that. I feel like a new Lisa who is ready to run and work hard and go after what she wants. I feel like a runner girl with some sass right now. Although, I guess that could be from the red streaks I got this Saturday when I had my hair highlighted. Nothing says fired up and sassy like red hair, right?!?!

Yeah, I'm back baby! So maybe the rest DID do me some good. :) I still hated it though!

Anyway, I hope you’ll follow along with me during Run It Fast 2013 and watch me Run It Fast! :)

P.S. If you'd like to send me some speedy vibes, I'd appreciate it!