Thursday, January 12, 2012

Fear is a Four Letter Word

Yes, fear is a 4 letter word but I don't necessarily think fear is a bad thing. There are some things I'm afraid of that I think make my life better & less stressful:

I'm afraid of gaining back the 150 lbs I lost. - This keeps me...vigilant. If clothes start feeling snug, I put the brakes on right away and refocus on my calorie input/output til I'm back on track. I'm much happier being a lean, mean running machine than not so this is good.

I'm afraid of going into debt again. - I pay cash. If I don't have the money, I don't buy it. Period. Life is way better when you don't have to worry about paying your bills. Seriously.

I'm afraid of Lethal Lefties - This is the term I gave cars making left turns in front of me. I've been afraid of them ever since I was hit by a car a few years back while riding. It doesn't stop me from riding but it has made me much, much more cautious and if I see a car turning or at a stop sign I ALWAYS make sure they make eye contact with me before going in front of them. No eye contact means I let them go first. Saved my hide more times than I can count since then.

Then there are some things that I'm afraid of that probably don't make my life better.

I'm afraid of having my heart broken again. - My "solution" to this was to not let men into my life like that. I haven't let anyone into my heart in 5 years. I know. This is not a good thing. But if you only knew how many bad, bad, bad choices I've made. Seriously messed up choices. In a way, it's been more fun since I decided men are off limits. I'm more relaxed now & more myself when I meet someone because I automatically put them in the friend category. But I honestly don't know what will happen if I ever meet someone who's really interested in more than fun. Sigh.

I'm afraid of fish. - Okay, yeah, that's just weird. It doesn't actually prevent me from doing anything but it creeps me out to go swimming in the ocean or rivers/lakes, etc. Hello? Have you seen Piranha? I still swim in the ocean. Just with my eyes closed. Mostly. Makes it hard to swim in a straight line.

Anyway...I've been thinking about fear because I finally...finally signed up for the Old Goat 50 Mile Trail Race in March. It has over 12,000 feet of climbing. I've never done that much and have no concept of what it will be like. I guess it was a little bit of the fear of the unknown that kept me from signing up for it. But when I really thought about it, it was actually the fear of failure, of a DNF that kept me from filling out the entry form. I had to ask myself why. Was it because I didn't think I could do it? Was it because I was afraid of what people would think? Was I afraid of feeling like a failure? I decided none of those were good enough reasons to try. So I'm in. And I'm excited about it!

And signing up for the Old Goat 50 got me thinking about doing the 24 Hour at the Nanny Goat instead of the 12 Hour. And that got me thinking about doing my 1st 100 miler this year! Which also completely freaks me out. And again it's mostly for the same reasons I didn't sign up for the Old Goat 50. Honestly, I know that I'm the one putting the most pressure on myself. That as long as I train and work hard and really, really give it my all on race day...then whatever happens, happens and I should be good with it. What can I say, it's the perfectionist in me. ;) But okay...I'm saying it...if I can find one that I can fit into my budget and schedule, I'll go for it. So far, Javelina Jundred is looking like a good option. :)

So fear isn't always a bad thing. As long as it doesn't prevent you from doing the things you want to do. As long as you keep moving forward and don't stand still or slide backwards.
"You see something scary, you should stand up and step toward it, not away from it. Instinctively, reflexively, in a raging fury." ~LEE CHILD, Echo Burning

One last thing. I may be the only woman running in the race I'm doing on Feb 4th. I have to say that I'm intrigued by the idea. You would think I would have some fear or anxiety about this. But, no. I cannot wait! It's going to be a blast! However, I may or may not be packing my most girly running attire. Gotta represent all the running chicks, ya know? :)

Is there anything you're afraid of? Anything stopping you from doing something epic?

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