Monday, August 4, 2014

Running And Self Worth

"Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy." Wayne Dyer

My training last week:

Running - 21.1 miles (9, 4, 5, 3.1)
Riding - 112 miles
Gym - 4.25 hours
Walking - 1 hour
Training - 18.75 hours

Last week was good. It kind of kicked my butt because I fell asleep at 7:30 on Friday and slept through til 5 am on Saturday morning! I totally could have gone back to sleep but went for an easy 5K instead. That run and the ride to the gym were a little tough because I felt really tired. After the gym though, I felt fabulous.

I posted this on Instagram on Saturday:

The picture on the far left was taken a little over a month ago when I was in Tennessee and the pics on the right were taken on Saturday. I feel different and I'm noticing that my clothes are getting loose so I definitely feel like there has been progress in the 3 weeks I've been working with Phil.

I can also tell when I do medicine ball slams because those are getting easier.

Hey, did you know medicine ball slams are an excellent way of working out anger and frustrations?

Totally works. :) You should try it!

Another way I've been able to tell is running. Yesterday I ran 10 miles in the same time it took me to run 9 miles last week. And I didn't feel so beat up after. Woo! Leading Ladies Half is in 2 weeks and I finally feel like it's not going to be a slogfest. Oh, it's going to be slow. But I am thinking I might be able to do it in under 3 hours. Cross your fingers.

Sooo... one thing I've been thinking about lately is self worth and whether or not it's affected by running. That friend who thinks I'm clueless about ultras and not driven...he also told me he tried to give me self worth and that through running and his circle of friends, I became great and my self worth grew.

I disagreed but he insisted he was right.

You all know I love running, right?

I love being able to move my body. I love being able to get out in nature. I love traveling and seeing new places. I love being able to work out my frustrations through exercise. Running allows me to do all of that. It is my therapy and makes me happy but in no way does running give me self worth.


End of story.

I have confidence in what my body is capable of doing. Some of that comes from having run ultras and some of that comes from having done century rides as well. It's pretty darn cool to know that if you HAD to, you could run or ride where you need to go without worrying about a car or gas or traffic or whatever. Both running and riding have shown me that I am stubborn and determined and willing to be uncomfortable.

But I already knew those things about myself. They just reinforced it and gave me tangible rewards (medals) for them. I think they have increased my confidence but not my self worth.

Running or being part of a running group does not define me or make me feel worthy. I don't feel special or unique because I lace up running shoes or put on a bike helmet. Maybe I would if I were Shalane or Kara or Lauren? I wonder if they feel self worth because they are runners and have had success? Probably not.

Self worth isn't tied to what you do. It's about who you are and knowing that you are special and have something to offer the world. If, heaven forbid, I was never able to run again, I would be pretty darn cranky but I would not feel less self worth.

I think we forget that sometimes. That running is a hobby. It's not a cure for cancer (and don't I know it!). It's not going to stop war. If things go bad at your next race, it's not the end of the world. It's "just a race". It's just for fun. It doesn't mean you don't care about running and becoming better at it. It just means you have put it into perspective.

At least, that's what I think.

What do you think? Do you feel your self worth has grown because of running?

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